Château Rules
Should you ever have the great privilege of drinking the house wine at Lady Rose's Château in Provence, the following non-negotiable rules apply:
château rules1. Dame Essence must never be served above 10°C, under any circumstances.
2. Dame Essence must never be opened in a room where artificial lighting is the sole source of illumination.
3. One is never judged for adding ice to Dame Essence, however the ice must be cubed and bountiful, lest it dilute it.
4. Dame Essence must never be opened in a room where artificial lighting is the sole source of illumination.
5. Dame Essence must never be served as an accompaniment to gluten-free food. Gluten-free food is not allowed within a 500m radius of the Château.
6. Dame Essence must never be poured by someone wearing synthetic fibres.
7. Dame Essence may not be consumed alongside any dessert described as “deconstructed.” The Château has no interest in culinary irony.
8. If Dame Essence is being consumed outdoors, there must be shade available.
9. The colour of Dame Essence must never be described as “salmon.” Salmon is a fish.
10. Dame Essence must never be consumed at an event with a dress code described as “smart casual.” Smart casual is a category of profound indecision.
